The Raelians are at it again. Former Governor
Keating and I were the unsuspecting test rats who unwittingly were
involved in a super top-secret project to create a new species of voter.
They are called The Republicrats.
The recipe for what was touted as the
S.A.V. (Superior American Voter) was the brainstorm originally proposed
by a team of top Clinton advisors in clandestine meetings with the
C.O.G.S. (Coalition of Galactic Scientists)
During these meetings a prototype S.A.V.
was encoded with genetic markers to produce a voter with the following
enhanced assets:
1) a capitalist-minded individual with
a propensity for bearing a social conscious
2) a lukewarm body temperature monitoring extreme ideological viewpoints
as well as the baby's bathwater
3) an extra vertebra and muscular-skeletal tissues that enable the S.A.V.
to bend over backwards for his causes and kiss his own butt at the same
time.
4) Retractable inner eyelids which allow the S.A.V. to be temporarily
blinded with their eyes still wide open
5) A voracious appetite for consumption with an enhanced digestive tract
which allows the S.A.V. to transform waste products into environmentally
safe materials (don't shit bricks just yet.)
6) The upper respiratory system of the S.A.V. will transform hot air
into a neutrally-charged gas that will not harm the ozone layer
7) The S.A.V. will have a docile nature embedded with a hair-trigger
response for defending home, health, and liberty
8) The S.A.V. will be bowlegged, allowing him to quickly mount the horse
he just rode in on
9) A generosity gene will be spliced into the hand of the S.A.V.
allowing him or her to write checks his conscious can't cash
10) The S.A.V.'s reproductive system will be greatly enhanced including
the breasts of the female and the penis of the male (this was not really
one of the assets assigned by the C.O.G.S.; I just threw that in.)
